When we think of love, we often picture a perfect, seamless union where two people are effortlessly compatible, just like in the movies.
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But in the real world, the truth about love and marriage is far more complex.
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It’s not always about finding the “right” person but rather about becoming the right person for your partner.
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**1. Love Is a Skill:**
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Love isn’t simply a feeling that magically blossoms and stays forever.
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It’s a skill, one that we need to cultivate and learn over time.
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While this may seem unusual, it’s the reality of lasting love.
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**2. The Myth of the ‘Right’ Person:**
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The idea of finding the perfect soulmate is a myth.
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Most of us may never stumble upon that mythical ‘right’ person, and that’s absolutely fine.
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What we can manage is discovering a ‘good enough’ partner, and you might have already found one.
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**3. Compatibility Is a Journey:**
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Compatibility isn’t the starting point in love; it’s a destination you reach through the journey of love.
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Often, our search for love is influenced by early experiences and a desire for familiarity, which can lead us to unintentionally choose partners who feel familiar but not necessarily compatible.
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**4. What Is Compatibility?:**
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Compatibility is often misunderstood.
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It’s closely related to tolerance, as Alain de Botton wisely notes, “love is not just admiration for strength; it is also tolerance for weakness and recognition for ambivalence.”
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In simpler terms, it’s about embracing your partner’s strengths and accepting their flaws.
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**5. Love-Hate Dynamic:**
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Real love isn’t just about adoring your partner’s strengths; it’s about embracing their weaknesses and understanding that it’s okay not to like everything about them.
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We’re all complex beings, a mix of good and bad traits, and learning to tolerate and love that complexity is a crucial part of a healthy relationship.
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**6. The Secret Sauce:**
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A thriving marriage or relationship isn’t built on finding the perfect person but rather in learning, growing, and adapting together.
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It’s a mix of love and tolerance, where admiration and acceptance coexist, seasoned with a healthy dose of compromise.
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True love is a journey without a predetermined destination.
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**Conclusion: Love Is a Skill Worth Mastering**
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The secret to a fulfilling and enduring marriage isn’t about finding someone flawless, but rather in becoming the right person for your partner.
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It’s a journey of learning, adapting, and growing alongside your loved one.
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When you embrace the skills of love, choose your familiarity wisely, practice tolerance, and don’t shy away from compromise, you’re on the path to building a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
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So, let go of the myth of the ‘right’ person and start embracing the beautiful messiness of love.
